It's nearly behind me now. I've got one more final and a tour to do and my freshman year at Liberty University is done. I look back at the last entry I did at the beginning of the school year and can't help being overwhelmed by all I've experienced this year. I've encountered so much and learned incredible amounts of knowledge but I still lack so much in terms of searching after God's glory. What happened to myself wanting to scream God's glory to the world? Why am I still mere feet from where I stood a year ago in my spiritual discipline? 

The love songs I write God at night mean nothing when my heart's not beating after him in the daylight. It seems that my head could burst from the knowledge that this wonderful university has poured into it, but my soul is still longing for the Fire that consumes my thoughts. I feel like God has drawn a line in the sand for me... He wants me to cross it into the unfathomable things He has planned for me... but I'm still here at the edge, content with my guitar in my hands and my butt firmly on the ground. 

This summer will be a turn in tides. I'm tired of settling. I'm tired of mediocrity. I'm tired of seeing what God has for me on the other side of that line and not doing a single thing about it. The Fire waits to consume me... now it's time to run into It and watch what It will do to my life. No more sitting, I'm now on my knees.

Today has been so amazing so far.  This morning we played (For those of you who don't know, I'm performing at CareNet conference in Lousiville, Kentucky with Sounds of Liberty this week) praise and worship for the morning session and during the middl of it I got a crazy surprise. Jordan asked the crowd to sing happy birthday to me, and the whole band and audience sang... I was completely speechless.. I have no idea if I even played the right chords from that point on. But yeah, it was a great surprise and I thank all of you guys for that. You all are amazing.

I've gotten happy birthday notes/calls/wallposts from practically everyone I know. It's been amazing and I'm so glad to hear from all of you. If I don't get back to you right away, I apologize, but I'll try my best to personally thank each and everyone of you for making my birthday awesome.

Now off to study before attending a concert tonight.

P.S. ....I'll try to update more often. Keyword: try.

Tonight everything has crashed down on me. 

I miss my family. It feels like it's been years since I last saw my family, even though it's only been around a month. I can't believe for the past 18 years of my life I didn't know how amazing my family truly was. Their sacrifice for me, their love, their guidance... I hate that I didn't get down on my knees every night for the past 18 years and thank God for the family that He placed me in. I'm in shock that when I was asked to do something around the house, I had one ounce of resistance. Why didn't I see what I had? Right now I would stop anything at the drop of a hat to do whatever my family were to ask. It's hard to believe that I didn't wake up every morning and tell them how much they meant to me. I have been blessed among men to call them my family, and I will praise God for the wonderful memories they've given me and are yet to give me. I love you guys with all that's in me. THANK YOU for being the most wonderful guides and companions that one could've ever dreamed for.

In light of all this, I've realized that God deserves more of me than I've been giving. I've failed recently to praise Him for Who He Is on a daily basis. My actions, my thoughts, my words.... Are they glorifying the One Who paid my debt? Are they pleasing to the God Who created me and knows every inch of my being? Am I, the worst of sinners, praising Him with everything I've got? NO. I hate it, but the answer is no. He's given me this family, He's given me a free education and the opportunity to travel the US and play music, He's sacrificed Himself so that I would be able to sing songs to Him forever... and yet I fail to recognize this and thank Him with my actions.

I WANT EVERY FIBER IN ME TO SCREAM HIS GLORY. I want my thoughts to shout His mercy, I want my actions to yell of His love, I want my words to be the loudest thing in creation telling the world of Who I serve. 

God forgive me for being so stupid. I'm so undeserving and yet you continue to bless me with things I can't even comprehend. In the pain of being away from home, in the joy of serving on Sounds of Liberty, in the confusion and excitment of what's to come, may I scream Your glory to the world. May every ounce in me lift You up.

It's now July 17th... where did the time go?

Words fall so short of describing the beauty of God and His creation in the Philippines. I've expereienced so many new things and learned so much about how little I know. My life has been forever impacted once again from these past two weeks there.

Everytime I go back there it feels like I go through enormous growth periods. It's like my walk with Christ is a boat being steered down white rapids and everytime I hit the Philippines trip my boat encounters a massive waterfall. That waterfall changes me and molds me into such a completely new person. The majesty of His mountains, the beauty of His people, the passion of their worship... how can I not be formed into someone new when I get back? To do so, for me, would be nothing other than sin.

I wish that my mind could fully articulate every second of that trip into words so that I could share it with you. However it seems that all that materializes from that effort is tears. Tears that I'm not in the heart of a jungle completely immersed in His creation, tears that I'm not waking up and knowing that I'm going to make an impact on someone's life physically and spiritually with food and spiritual water, tears that I'm such a poor representative of His glory yet He chose to allow me to go and minister to people that are part of my ancestory.

Even though I cannot confine my experience into words, I'd like to share with you some of things that went on.. in the next month or so I'll try to post things every week with different stories and pictures of things I've seen and places I went to while over there. However, no words or pictures can capture the absolute marvel of this trip. I urge you to put in your passport application right now and prepare for next summers trip. God has called us to reach His people, and this is your opportunity... if you need more information let me know and I would LOVE to tell you more.

Before I go I'll share one little story with you about when I first arrived. We had gotten into the Philippines safely and we were leaving Manila and heading to the province on bus. While in the mountains we were watching a movie but I just had to look outside. The view of the valley's and the clouds resting in them was nothing short of glorious. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen in my life, and in the midst of it all I spotted a tiny little elementary school. At the moment I spotted it a little girl, no older than 5, came around the corner of the building running, hands in the air with her head tilted back, completely immersing herself in the beauty that surrounded her. I thought to myself, I just got to witness that moment in her life. God orchestrated that very moment for me to pass by her school and see her uninhibited love of what He has done. That little girl set the tone for the trip (and the rest of my life) and made me realize that I need to do as she does and throw my arms up, tilt my head towards the heavens and marvel at God's creation. She has inspired me and continues to do so to sit and be still in my day and just thank God for His awesome creation. May she inspire you as well to worship Him for Who He Is.

I am so glad to be back with you my brothers and sisters. I love you all.

It's harder to do than you'd think. I've realized that I'm speaking 24/7, without ceasing and without the knowledge that I've been doing so. How can I fully rely on God if I am not even able to listen to Him. I'm not talking about literally "speaking" for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week... but more of a self-sustaining state of arrogance that I am still at the wheel of my life. In realizing this I've decided.. it's time for me to shut up.

How can He increase if I am not decreasing? Am I so loud that I have forgotten this? 

Be still.

One week before take off. Worries, fears, my deepest insecurites... all of them have come out recently. Coincidence? No. I'm being attacked. But God has come to give us a spirit of power. I triumph over my faults for I no longer lead my life. I am to...

Be still.

Do something real quick with me. Take a deep breath in and close your eyes for 10 seconds, then exhale slowly and deeply. That breath, the one you're taking now, the ones you're about to take... we'll be held accountable for these. What we do in between those breath's is what counts. What are you doing with the life that God has given to you?

Be still.





My heart beats faster. Louder. Stronger.





I'm now listening God.

33.
The number crashed down on me tonight. This is the number of days that I have left in the States before heading off to the Philippines for a two week mission trip. It is also the number of days that I have left to spiritually prepare myself for such the journey. I know that there is no way that one can actually fully prepare for something such as a mission trip, God moves in the ways He chooses and whether or not I'm ready for that doesn't change the fact that He does it. Last year was a first hand account of this in my life. He brought me back to my spiritual birthplace to show me that I wasn't even close to where I thought I was in my walk with Him. I was shown things about myself that I wish never had even existed in my heart to begin with. The pride and selfishness God revealed to me that dwelt within my own heart sickened me, here I was trying to tell others about Jesus and yet within myself I denied Him with my hearts position. 

I can't tell you how many times I've felt inadequate to share God's Word with others. I've felt so hypocritical, so unprepared, too ungodly to do such a holy thing. However, God has picked me up and told me through His word that I am His man for doing this. I was created to do this. My shortfalls have embarrassed me when I try to tell others of His mercy, my unworthiness has driven me to tears in many nights praying to God for His forgiving hand to hold mine. It's through those times that He has brought me to where I am now, no longer guilt ridden, no longer concentrating on past failures, but focusing on what I can change: my future. 

56.
It seems as if the future is coming too soon. I feel like I've longed forever for the moment I'm about to be living in, only to find that I no longer want to live in that moment. I've been blessed with 18 years of truly wonderful family life. I've been supported, taught, guided, mended, nurished and loved by two of the most Godly people I know. I have been graced with a little brother as well, one who I prayed for when I was 4 years old at the foot of my mothers bed. He is everything I could ask for and beyond in a brother and friend. It rips me apart inside thinking that in 56 days I am going to leave this house and start a new life. One in which I'm going to be rooming with a great friend, Kevin, learning many new things at a wonderful Christian University, and traveling 11 months out of the year to perform with an amazing group of musicians across the United States. This future is indeed everything I've prayed and hoped for, and yet I'm selfish enough to say that I'm not ready. Despite my sorrow for leaving my wonderful family and loved ones, I must say that it is one of the most exciting times in my life as well. I am about to embark on a journey with God. The next 4 years of my life will be a time of great inspiriation, a time of being able to listen to God's voice and not have any confinements to keep me back from whatever He wills for me. It's with great sadness I leave this wonderful household, and yet with great joy knowing that God will always keep us close.

18 years has already passed... where will I be in another 18 years? Will I be married and have children, or will I still be a man on adventures with God following Him untethered to wherever He leads me? I can't say, but I know that this is the start of something amazing. 

The future starts now.

life·style also life-style or life style (līf'stīl')
A way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes and values of a person or group.

Note: I don't mean to offend anybody by what I'm about to type. It's just something I need to say before we make it a presupposition of what's true. 

First things first... I am sick of hearing the analogy of Christianity being a lifestyle. I don't believe that it is. I believe that living a type of lifestyle in accordance with your faith is something that immediately follows Christianity, but Christianity itself is NOT a lifestyle. Let me explain:

A lifestyle implies many things. It implies that you can change the way you live. It implies that there are many ways of living depending on how you look at things. Lifestyles change when people have things happen to them. I believe that Jesus didn't die for us to live a lifestyle, I believe that he died to give us LIFE.

Christianity, in, and of itself, IS LIFE. There is no life outside of it. It's not a style of living, it is the only way to live. Lets take these two verses for example:

Colossians 1:16-17; "For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."

Within those two verses we find that Jesus created all things, is before all things, and in him all things hold together. So in essence, Jesus is the creator of life. If we take Him out of the equation, what are we left with? Death.

Stop right there. If Jesus isn't in the equation... death is the only thing left? That's exactly what I'm saying. Christ is life and if we're not living... we're dying.

If someone is living without Christ, they're not truly experiencing life because life is found in Jesus. John 10:10 says that Jesus came to give us life, not a lifestyle.

One last thing about lifestyles: they imply that we're still in control of the way we live, which in turn implies that we haven't given the steering wheel of our lives into His hands. If we're living a certain lifestyle instead of Christ living through us, we're not really living how Christ would want us to, THROUGH HIM.

Anyway, after all that, I do want to add something on a personal note. Jesus has been moving in my life so much recently. His faithfulness is showing me more and more that I need less and less of myself to depend on. He's all that I need for getting through this life. I pray that you, my brother, or my sister, are at the same place I am. Realizing that Christ, who sits on the throne, wants us to rely on Him completely. No more inner strength.

I praise You Father for your goodness. Even though things may not go my way, it's still good, because You reign over me. Help me to consistantly give You my all. Forgive me if I am in the wrong in what I say and humble me through it. I thank You for my family and friends. You have blessed me with amazing people to surround myself with. Help me to bless them as much as they bless me.

Oh praise the One, who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead.

I was talking with Kevin tonight and something hit me. Something I said that I had never really thought about until it left my mouth. How often do I take time to thank God for His love?

None of us are worthy to enter into Heaven. We seperated ourselves from Him because He's perfect and we're sinful. So since we've chosen to be eternally seperated from Him in the first place it makes no sense why we'd complain about people not getting into Heaven when we chose it for ourselves. But God loved us so much that He was willing to cover our imperfections with Jesus blood by paying the price of death for us on a cross. His resurrection then let Him triumph over death and allows us to do the same if we give ourselves up for Him.

We are permitted into Heaven eternally! And do I rejoice for this on a day to day basis? No. I don't. Not even close. As we talked about Neal Morse's "Question Mark" album, it was almost as though I was put into the leper's shoes (or lack there of.) The album is basically about this leper who isn't allowed to be cleansed of his sins due to reasons of him being unfit for cleaning (leviticus 21:18). He sits outside the temple gates and intently gazes upon those who come through with envy that they can be forgiven. We're much like that leper, we're unworthy, dirty, untouchable. Heaven wasn't something we were able or worthy to attain. Then Jesus comes.

He tells us that we no longer need to go into God's temple to cleanse ourselves of our sins. He now cleanses us and makes US His temple. We are now the living temple of God. How exciting is that? It's so simple yet so unappreciated so many times. I'm just overjoyed that I'm able to become a child of God because He loves me enough to give me that chance, despite how undeserving I may be.

What's even more amazing is that He loves us enough to not only allow us passage into Heaven, but allow us to be His Hands and Feet on this earth. He's given each of talents, desires, passions to use for Him. We crawl through life so many times, but He's created us to run (another Neal Morse song.) Lets look for the person God created us to be.

I'm still waiting to hear from Liberty University on whether or not I made the full scholarship band. Regardless, Christ sits on the throne and rules over me. He suspends the planets, He knows every star by name, He created the earth and yet He still cares for me. How blessed am I to be counted as worthy in the eyes of the Almighty.

We were made to love. Lets show our love by living out the life He created us for. May God bless you friends. My prayers are with you.

Right before I got on the computer I saw a picture on my screen saver. I've seen it a million times before and I don't know why it just hit me now, but it broke me inside. It was a picture of somebody I knew very well in the Philippines. His name is Andrew. It's a picture of him bent over a coconut with a machete opening it up.

Tears flood my eyes as I remember all of my encounters with him. Our lives are so drastically different in so many aspects. He comes from a family of 6-7 kids, I have one brother that lives with me. He lives in the Philippines, I live half way around the world. He lives under a roof where he doesn't know if his father will come home drunk and chase his younger brothers and sisters out with a machete. I have a Pastor for a father. He's lucky if he gets 3 full meals a day. I eat enough for 2 Andrew's in a day. He lives in a house that's 20 feet by 20 feet, where he shares that space with his siblings and parents. I have my own bedroom that's almost the size of his entire house.

Why did God choose to give me such a life? It hurts to see how much I have and how little he has. I have a job and a car. He has to travel 4 hours over the mountains to look for jobs just to support his parents. The list piles on me like bricks of guilt. I have so much, but I take it all for granted. Everyday I turn on the faucet to get something to drink. Andrew has to go outside and pump from his neighbors pump to get water to drink, to bathe with, to cook with.

I have too much stuff. Trivial little things that won't do me any good but get a couple of laughs. I bought a flannel shirt and work boots at Goodwill for 5 bucks without thinking about it. 5 bucks there is an entire weeks worth of food for his entire family. That shirt, those work boots... I will never wear them again. I spent a weeks worth of food on an hour's worth of use. What a selfish, rich, ungreatful FOOL I am.

Andrew, I pray that I take your life and realize how much I have. I feel so burdened that I've lived my life in total comfort while you've suffered through hungry nights outside hiding from your father in drunken rage. Have I lost sight of God's provision in my life? Have I taken God for granted as well? Thank you for showing me that I am so low. I don't deserve any of what I have, but all that I do have and all that God has blessed me with... may I use it to serve one's like you. My brother, even though I haven't seen you in 4 years, I pray that God may wrap His loving Hands around you and show you that you were made in His Image.

And God..... I come to you with a spirit of humility. I am so unworthy. Forgive me for taking You and all Your blessings for granted. I have a loving brother, a wonderful mother, and a caring father who live with me in harmony and in peace. I have a bed to sleep in. I have heat in the winter. Lord, forgive me. I come before you tonight.... broken.

You know all those yogurts and drinks that attach the "light" tag to them to make them seem healthier than the normal product? There are a couple of things I've noticed about them and the similarities to how our culture views purity. People want to have the same amount of taste of the original product without having to pay the consequences of the calories that are packed into it. So companies are coming up with some different ways to bend chemicals to get them to taste the same without having to have the fat and calories in their foods and stuff. Don't get me wrong, that's amazing technology, and if I have a choice between two chips that taste the same and one has less calories, you can guess which one I'm going to pick. But the fact is we're carrying this mentality into our purity.

We want to experience something like what God has for us eventually, but instead of waiting out for it we go with the "purity light" and decide to experience a lighter version of relationships God created. After reading that book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", I've noticed how this seeps into our views of the opposite sex. A lot of times what we'll do is start a dating relationship with the other person hoping that eventually it'll end up in a marriage but not thinking about it until the time comes. So in the 4 years that you date, even if you wind up marrying the person, that's FOUR YEARS that God will never have you single again. Your availability in the teen years is absolutely essential to building a solid foundation for your future in Christ. 

Just watching the Disney Channel I've seen so many things that push kids into dating and becoming physical with your girlfriend/boyfriend. So many of the jokes are about "not getting dates" when the kids are only 9 and 10 years old in the show. Some even joke about not having kissed their current girlfriend. It may just be me, but I believe that God has called us to higher standards than that. I've intentionally guarded myself against a lot of these things, such as any physical touch. I've never kissed a girl. I've never held hands with a girl. Even when a girl wants a hug typically I'll keep a little distance between us. In fact I've denied people of hugging me before. My future spouse deserves all of my purity, and I intend to give that to her. It's time that we stop looking at who we're going to marry and start looking at who we're supposed to be for that person. Pure.

I'm not saying that if you hug a girl that you're going to Hell. What I am saying, though, is that if we're expecting our future spouse to be pure in their relationships, we should do the same for them. I'm tired of the culture dictating what I'm supposed to do to find a wife. I was created by God to be the husband of one woman. I fully intend to be the man that God created to be emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

May these words inspire you to live in a different way keeping in mind what the future holds but also keeping in mind what there is for us to do today. God didn't give us today to look at tomorrow. He gave us today to engage the world and tell them about Him. 

Let's set the world on fire for Christ starting with ourselves. (Deuteronomy 4:24) God bless you.

All day I've been learning an acoustic song by Andy Mckee. It's a weird little song where he uses the guitar as a percussion instrument and uses both hands to play notes on the fretboard. It's definately something I've nevered endevoured to do, but that's why I picked it up I guess. The challenge. As I progressed further and further through the song I realized something; the challenge was what fueled me to do it. The pure excitement of seeing how far I could push myself was fueling me to progress in the song. And then it REALLY hit me: this lacks from my spiritual walk.

My spiritual walk has gotten more intimate with God over the last few weeks than it ever has been, but at the same time the challenge of complete purity hasn't lured me into growing closer to God. Why is it that a musical challenge can consume me, yet a spiritual challenge I might overlook. Mental purity, speech purity. They're deeper challenges than anything I've faced with music. It's fueling me right now to want to get up and challenge others with the same thing. We push our bodies so far, we push the limits with our talents, but what about our spirituality? How far and how hard are we going with it? Are we truly gritting our teeth and diving into the Word and the Life that we're to live or are we ignoring the greatest challenge of all, holiness?

Me and Kevin have decided to write down a list of all things we need to consider about the way we live on a daily basis and what needs to change in order to be closer to God. The way we talk, the people we hang out with, the things we watch on TV, the websites we visit... it all has to be evaluated and if something is out of line, it should be changed. One reason I watch the Disney Channel so much is that it's a great alternative to what else is on TV. So what if the plot lines are cheesy? It's still not infecting my heart with images that will imbed themselves into my brain and haunt me. What about the way I talk? Are there any offensive things I say on a daily basis that might hurt my witness for Christ? The answer is: yes. I don't curse, but taming the tongue goes MUCH farther than just profanity. Making fun of people, even if they are my closest friends, should cease to be something that's on my lips. Although said in a joking manner, it could cut deep into their emotions. Not that I'll become a total stiff or anything, that's the last thing that I want to accomplish, but I don't want anything I say to come in between me and my witness for Christ.

Challenges have always been something I love to face. There's nothing quite like staring down a task that seems nearly impossible to accomplish and finishing it. The way I live my life needs to be a constant challenge to live the way Christ did. I'm getting closer and closer to the finish line as I live my life, so I might as well go faster and harder towards the prize. 

Jesus has set the ultimate challenge in front of me: total purity of the mind, body, and spirit. It's time to step up and engage the obsticles that come my way with determination and comfort in knowing that Jesus is right by my side.

May you live your life in purity and live above reproach in all aspects of your walk. Have a blessed day.

Today is Sunday, January 7th of the year 2007. The current time is 10:17pm. I haven't posted in awhile for various reasons. But one thing I did want everyone to know is that God is so good. I can't come up with words elegant enough to describe what He's done in my life over the past month, so I won't attempt it. But I will sum up for you what's been going on.

Jesus' sacrifice has become more and more pressing on me lately. The meaning of true sacrifice has been calling to me recently and I think I've finally tuned in to what it means. It means giving up ALL of me. Every aspect of it. I've already surrendered my life to Christ and have claimed that I no longer live but He lives in me. But is that how I live my everyday life. The answer is sometimes. And Christ didn't come to free me sometimes, or that I would live by His words sometimes. He bled so that I would allow His life to rule me, at ALL times. All of me, all day, everyday. My thoughts, my actions, my desires. I need to hinge my life on the very fact that Christ is the focal point of why I exsist. 

Prayer. I've come to realize just how amazing prayer is. Brooks spoke a little about it this morning. We have such a skewed view of prayer that we get dissappointed in God everytime He doesn't "answer" our prayers. One thing I've been trying to do lately is pray about what God really wants for my life and let Him know what I desire. He says in James 5:17 that Elijah was a man just like us and he prayed that it would not rain. Guess what? For three and a half years, it didn't rain. And then he prayed again, and it rained. Seek and you will find. Prayer is such a huge part of your Christian walk. But remember, not matter what you want, God's will is what will ultimately come through. But God gives us desires and talents for us to use for Him. Search your heart, pray earnestly about what God wants for you. Something cool that I'm starting up now comes from Psalm 5:3. Petra gave a german "Bob the Builder" calendar for my birthday and I'm finally getting to use it, and on the bottom of the first month she had written Psalm 5:3, "In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." So tomorrow morning, I'm going to get up and pray for my day and just spend some time with God in prayer after my quiet time. It's sad how little time we spend with the One who created us. How much closer would our walks be if every morning we got up and fellowshipped with God?

Another area... reading the Bible hasn't always been one of the biggest area's of my walk. It was always centered around service for others. Service is extremely important, but something I've noticed is that I'd always pray that God would make something clear to me, that He would show me what His will is for my life... How is that going to happen if I'm not seeking Him and drawing close to His words everyday? He has so much to tell me through what He's spoken in the Bible, but am I listening? Twice a day I open up the Bible and study. Knowing God's will can only come from knowing God's heart, and knowing God's heart comes from knowing God's word.

There's still so much work to be done, so many people to reach, lives to change.... but how can it take place unless my life is changed first. May you read this and be challenged to let God take over completely and start spending every moment of your day breathing His words.

I just finished the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." It's a truly inspiring book that has caused me to rethink the way I look at the world and the people in it. Including myself. I've come to realize that my heart is a vile harbor of hate, lust, and selfishness. My heart is a chained criminal that wants to be let loose and reak havoc on the life Christ died to give me. In the past I've only put up small guards against the desires of my heart but now I realize that this is not enough. I AM A TEMPLE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. Christ didn't die for me to live some of my life for Him. My heart needs to be watched on a consistant basis and cleansed from all the eniquities of the past.

To all the people I have wronged: whether you know it or not I have wronged you. This is for everyone. I've failed so far at being who Christ wants me to be towards you. My accountability partners, I'm grateful to have such amazing brothers in Christ. I'm blessed with your constant concern with my spiritual walk. I apologize to you for not holding as firm to the hope of Jesus as I should be. To all of the females I've treated in a less than sisterly way, I'm sorry for treating you as someone else. I'm ashamed of the things I took that should soley be your spouses'. Even though I am glad to say that physically I've stayed pure, emotionally I've given and taken what wasn't mine to begin with. I apologize to you, and to my future wife. To Jesus, You know my wrongs. You know all that I've done to push myself away from Your glory. I am deeply sorry for all of it, Lord. I bow at your feet and ask you to renew me. Cleanse me from the hideous wake of sin I've left in my path! I burn with shame when I look into my inner man and see such sinful fire. I ask that you come and snuff out the flame of sin and set me ablaze with YOUR love. With YOUR ways. YOUR grace is all that I can hope for and I'm not worthy of it. Lord, thank You for loving me even when I'm not deserving of it.

It's going to be a beautiful fall. The shedding of leaves will always remind me of this day that I shed the black from my dark sinful heart. This season of change signifies the beginning of the rest of my life.

May God be with you dear friend. Seek after Him with all you have. You're in my prayers and thoughts...

I've come to realize something...

...The life I've been given was made to glorify God. So why is it that I don't use my every breath to praise Him? To tell others about Him? Why am I so scared that saying the words "Jesus loves you" to someone could offend them. I'm not under threat of death... the worst that could happen is someone call me a closed minded hypocrite. It seems ridiculous that I might not be willing to lay my own pride aside to help someone come to realize what Jesus did for them.

The full weight of Christ's sacrifice has really been hitting me these past few weeks. My own life isn't important because it's not mine. I was put on earth to show love to others. And although love is one of the most abused and mistreated words in the english language, the love I'm talking about has nothing to do with the way most people use it. The love I speak of is completely different.

The love I speak of has a sound. It sounds like nails piercing Perfect Hands.

I hear the question "if God is so loving, why do bad things happen" way too often. Did we ever suspect that WE'RE the answer to that question? God didn't intend for sin to enter the world. He intended for us to be with Him for eternity in paradise but WE messed it up. WE were selfish in that we sought after our own lusts and desires. But despite the fact that we've screwed this life up completely, Christ came from His throne, took on human limitations, and PAID OUR DEBT IN FULL. Since sin can't enter into God's presence, perfection is the only way we'd be able to get there. Who among us can honestly say we're perfect? You don't have to teach a child to lie, it happens. We're BORN with a sin nature because we're selfish. But Christ DIED so that despite our flaws, His blood would cover us and death would no longer be what we had to face. WE ARE NOW PERMITTED TO ENTER HIS GLORY! How amazing is this? We're so undeserving and yet He sacrificed Himself to pay our penalty for our own selfishness. It blows my mind even today.

I'm amazed.
I'm grateful.
I'm ....

I'm...

I'm loved.... by the King of Glory. He put Himself on that Cross so that I could live.

I'm put on this earth to show love to others. And the love I speak of sounds like death bells.


JESUS LOVES YOU.

I realized that I never really posted many details about the trip to the Philippines (if any.) So here goes.

The day before we were to take off I was in chill mode. (Which probably wasn't the best thing, since I had packed absolutely NOTHING, and the clothes that I was going to pack were still dirty.) That morning I had gotten up at an ungodly hour (around 7 or 8 I think?) to go watch Pirates of the Carribean 2 with Petra and Chris. Chris just so happened to be wearing his "Straight Pride" t-shirt while standing in line in front of a gay couple. The couple glared at Chris (who was completely oblivious until I told him later.) But I found it quite funny. Anyway... We watched the movie and then headed to the mall to grab a quick bite to eat. The gay couple just so happened to be at the mall too, by the way. After we ate I got dropped back off at CJ's (after getting "lost" 'round the state-streets.) to prepare some of the stuff for the trip. Me and Chris were going to pack a bag together so that we could carry our guitars too, so he packed his stuff waited for me to pack my stuff in the bag later that night. At around 5 or 6 that evening I went over to the Prettyman household to wash my clothes. It hit me then that I had NOTHING packed for the trip and I think I had a small heart attack. After the clothes were done and after I had hung out with them (PEANUT M&M's!) for a bit, I headed back to CJ's to grab the remainder of the items I'd need for packing. I headed for Chris' house (where'd I'd also spend the night.) and started to pack. I finished packing a half hour or so later so we then decided to play video games. Last year, CJ and I had stayed up all night so that we could fall asleep on the planes easily, so Chris and I decided to do the same this year. Chris fell asleep around 4 and I fell asleep for 30 minutes around 5. We woke up, got coffee in our systems and got into the car to drive to the airport. We were s'posed to meet on the second floor of the airport but we accidently went to the first floor. So Chris and I hauled the bags (two bins, two carry-ons, a smaller bag thing, two guitars, and a laptop) into the elevator and to the check in. After we all got checked in we started for the gate. Problem number 1. Take note of this.... never EVER have green hair when you go into an airport. Cause when you DO have green hair you get "randomly" selected in every single United States airport to be searched (TWICE in L.A.)... but yeah. Thankfully I wasn't the only one being "randomly" checked. I had the comforts of knowing that Petra, Joe, and DJ were also getting searched. SO. By the time we get on the plane, I'm ready to sleep. And I did.

Blah blah blah... I'll fast forward you through the Atlanta airport cause that's no real fun at all now is it?

So we're on the plane from Atlanta to Incheon. I get seated next to Joe (on the right) and on the left there's this guy who likes to clear his sinuses every three minutes. I'd start to doze off and then I'd hear him blowing his horn like he was in the tower of power wind section. So I finally fall asleep... fast forward. Blah blah blah. Failure To Launch comes on. Joe looks at me with a face like "this is going to be the worst movie ever... but lets watch it cause I'm bored." So we both put on headphones. 2 hours later Joe and I prayed to God to forgive us for completely wasting 2 hours of our lives. I didn't like the movie at all...... blech. After an eternity on the plane we arrived in Korea. Yay. Fast forward to the Philippines airport.

We get in line at immigration and wait to get our passports stamped and jive. Apparently I chose the line with the slowest guy in the entire world stamping the passports. The other lines were completely gone by the time Christian, Chris, Blake, and myself got through. And the dude lost Chris' baggage claim receipts. But after all that drama we got to the curb to be picked up and I saw my mommy and daddy and brother. I was sooooo happy. Taxi's shuttled us off to the hotel through the maze of a city which is Manila. Petra and I joked about it feeling like we were in the Amazing Race (while pretty much everyone else in the van was silent. Awkward?) So we got the hotel as a team alright and we prayed together before heading up to sleep. Dylan and I stayed up til like 2 or so watching Disney Channel shows like Lizzie McGuire. That was pretty fun. I got up at 5:30 the next morning and showered. (Take note of this as well, because this is the last time I showered until I came back to the hotel two weeks later.) At 7 everyone was down for breakfast and by 8 - 9 we were on the road to the province. (Pardon me. I'm going to get some chocolate milk real quick.) (Wow that was good.) So yeah... we go through Manila and head toward Cabanatuan (where the mall that we always stop at is located.) We ate our last bit of American fast food (KFC!) and proceeded toward the province. We bus surfed and sang Kareoke throughout the mountains. It was beautiful. We arrived in the province as the sun was beginning to get lower in the sky and we unloaded everything into our rooms. I was bunked with Chris, Christian and Blake. More to come on the crazy whacked up room we stayed in later... but anyway. Fast forward through boring stuff... blah blah blah.

The next morning we woke up and went to breakfast. The first thing I did was went over to a little table that had hotwater and I fixed myself a cup of Milocha. It's a mix between Milo chocolate drink (which is available at Super Walmart now.) and instant coffee and sugar. It's soooooo amazingly tasty. But after breakfast we had a welcome/devotion and we met some people from the church. After the introductions and everything, we set off to unpack all the things we brought for ministry. I shot a few people with rubber band guns (and got shot a couple of times too) as we packed the stuff into smaller baggies to hand out. We did that until lunch time. After lunch we went to one of the outreaches and fellowshipped with them and had wonderful food. The fellowship was followed by going back to Lorentes (resort we stayed at) for dinner and then evening service. At the service we got to sing and meet some people and also hear a couple of people singing. Lets just say you had to be there to understand what all went on that service. We also shared testimonies that night. After about 2 hours everyone was pretty much dosing off and we ended with a prayer and headed back to the rooms so that everyone could die into their beds.

...

Everyday waking up was a new adventure. I'd get up in the mornings and look forward to what the day had ahead of me. A new school to play at and hand balloons to kids at. A new church to visit. New people to meet. Spreading the Word of God and the news that Jesus had come to set them free was so exciting over there. I want to carry that fire here to the States. Despite the fact that we can't just show up at schools and ask them to let us share the gospel, we CAN, however, show Christ to those around us by being caring and loving and by being bold with our words to let Christ flow into our speech.

I miss waking up to the sounds of palm trees swaying, excited voices chattering about what they had experienced the previous day.... it's all just so sad to leave. I want that again. I want that everyday. The Philippines changed so much about me. Even more so than last year. This years trip was definately the most changing experience I've ever had in my life. God was just so apparent there. You could feel Him. It was as "in your face" as anything you will ever feel. The worship was intense too. You could feel the spirit move through as people worshipped and sang. Despite the lack of rythm or even lack of ability to sing on pitch, these people have had an encounter with Jesus and they show it when they worship. Why are we so off the mark sometimes? I wish everyone could sit in on a worship service in the Philippines and, with sweat dripping, realize that God is right there as we sing praise to Him.

So many things became clear on this trip. So many things I've prayed about for months to years were brought to the surface and exposed. To have nothing held back any more feels great. But there are so many things to do before some things are brought to pass. I must strive towards God and He will bring to pass anything He wants to be brought to pass through His mercy. Dependency on Him is one thing I've learned so much about while I was over there.

There are still so many things that I could write about to describe to you how things went and what went on. But words run dry when I attempt it. If Christ has it in store for you, I dare you to come and experience it yourself. It will definately be intense and at times you may get frustrated with how things are, but overall, I guarantee you that you will be a changed person for going.


May God's grace be with you brothers and sisters. I love you all.

Life has new meaning once again. Purpose has been renewed. More clarity has been brought of this trip than any point in time in my life. God showed Himself once again halfway around the world and proved that He is the same no matter where you are.

Everything is setting in now. From the tearful arrival at the airport uniting with my family once again, to an amazing late night talk, to lifting praises to God alongside members of a church speaking in foreign tongue, to boldly proclaiming Jesus to people who had not heard his name, to making kids balloon animals, to traveling over the majestic God molded mountains, to the tearful goodbye; EVERYTHING has changed me. This fire will not be lost but will continue to consume all that is around.

If you think about it, if you LOVE something than your speech will overflow with it. Everytime you talk, the conversation will eventually be brought back to that thing. For so long for me that was music. But I now realize that GOD wants taht of me. He wants me to overflow with love for him that it spills into my speech. I want people to hear about Him. Music is a passion that God has given me to use for him and I'll definately be using it to serve him, but then it all comes back to the same thing: GOD.

I miss you guys so much. I'll see you shortly.

May the Lord Almighty bless you today. All glory be to Him who has set me free.

I don't think it's hit me yet, but I'll be heading to the Philippines in less than 48 hours. It's so close that I can smell the Manila airports' congested air. I can feel the mountain air blast me through the windows of a bus. I can taste the morning milo-cha warming my throat. I can feel God move in souls. The sound of a foreign land praising Jesus is at hand. I can already feel the sweat dripping from my face during intense worship. I can hear the Filipino people sing in their native language, lifting hands in worship to God.

One year. Has it already passed me by? How much has my life changed? How much closer am I to Christ? Lord God Almighty, I pray that you open my heart and minister to me as well during the next two weeks. May I grow closer to You as I become Your hands. May ALL glory go to You for what is accomplished.

There once was a man. His name was *censored.* Why it got censored out I don't know. He was thirty-seven years old. Peanut butter was his favorite meal. He'd eat peanut butter until his hair would turn into grass. *Censored* loved to play Lacrosse and Quidditch. Quidditch was a little bit harder for him to play being that he had no flying broom nor a quaffle to play with. His favorite hobby was licking stamps and putting them on his dining room table. He had many stamps. Some of his favorite stamps included cheesecake stamps, Marilyn Monroe stamps, car stamps, and George Washington stamps. He also had some mutlicolored stamps that he'd put under the table in case anyone were to drop their fork.

*Censored* was playing golf one day. It was a beautiful day; no clouds in the sky, and there was only a thirty percent chance of disease in the area. He set up his tee and put a pink ball on it. The ball fell off. He was wondering why it didn't work. No body knew why it didn't work. He called tech support and they didn't know what was wrong either. So he gave up golf to get a milkshake at Arby's.

"I'll have one Jamocha milkshake." *censored* declared to the register. The register didn't respond. No one did. He wondered what was going on. Tech support didn't cover Arby's so he had to buy a newspaper to pass the time before someone came to help him out. He went back to the register and it sucked him into a 4th dimentia out in Ohio. He could see people but they could not see him.

This land is filled with Jamocha milkshakes and Nalgene bottles filled to the top with Whipped Cream. But the only problem is everything is untouchable. You can't touch anything. Not because it's forbidden, but because it's not REAL. *Censored* hated that. He despised the fact that the whipped cream Nalgene bottles taunted him and that the Jamocha's were prespiring.

A fairy of light came to him while he was resting in the shade of a old waterfall. "Pick up your belongings and come with me!" she declared in a booming voice. *Censored* listened and went with her. She led him into a far away place where pickles rained down from the trees and where Nintendo 64's were set up to gigantic big screens of butterflies. The air smelled of chopped metal and the ground was soft like melted computer mice. She led him into a dark valley where she mugged him and took fitty bucks from his wallet.

*Censored* felt like a total sucker for falling for that old trick. It's the oldest trick in the book. Fairy comes up to you and leads you into a far away land only to take your money. Happens all the time. At least it does in Graceland. Graceland has 50 times the national average of the United States in attacks in dark alleyways. Trust me, I'm a doctor.

When all was said and done *censored* made his way out of the weird worlds and back into his own house so he could lick stamps. Remember this story everytime you cross the international dateline.

The End.

It hasn't even been a month since I last updated, but Daniel was over here a few minutes ago and was all like "Hey! Lets look at people's livejournal's!" So I was like... wow, I have a livejournal. Maybe I should update it. So here I am world. Writing for you to see. I'm going to tell you ALL about my life right now.

I'm preparing to go to the Philippines again this Saturday. We'll be there until the 23rd of July. It's going to be tons of fun! I can't wait.... but yeah. I'm not really in a writing mood. So I'll write stuff later.

Bye.

We've been traveling like crazy for the past few weeks and I've gotten to see a ton of people and do a ton of things (like get stuck with a dead boat battery 16 miles from shore at 8:20 right before dark...) But the most amazing thing to ever pop up in the past few days was this:

Explain your LiveJournal/MySpace name and its meaning. When you're done, tag as many people as there are letters in your name. (Ok, I lied, but I'll do it anyway.)

My livejournal name is a concoction of a couple of different things. My cousin Glen in the Philippines ALWAYS called me Jesse boy. Without mercy. He'd do relentlessly and get on my nerves with it. But now that I think of it - it was pretty funny. The "guydude" came from some stereotypes I've gotten because I said I played guitar. When I first moved to Savannah there was this one guy (who isn't at FBCI anymore) but I told him I played guitar and he automatically started talking with this weird surfer accent and using words like "dude", "like", "whoa", "like", "man", "dude." But yeah. There you have it.

And I tag absolutely no one. You're free livejournal. You're FREE.